Sunday, November 26, 2006

Boys and Girls: Relations

I'll keep this short and sweet. Back in Boston, Thanksgiving was good, break was ok, kind of sick, no radio show, new blog. BAM SNAP WHOOO.

Real questions, real people, half-assed witty answers.

How come guys say they only want sex but get upset when that's all you give them? I...what? But.... Ok. Ok I'll get back to this one; too tough to start off with.

When you have sex, do you lose friendship? (We refer to it as "sexual backlash") God dammit do I wish I coined that phrase. And I can't steal it cause it would be read and I might see her on the street creating a Social Landmine(tm). You don't always lose friendship, but it sort of changes. You can't go through the most intimate of physical relations and just go back to drinking and making fun of kids on Guts! I would say not necessarily you would lose it, although it's certainly possible. You will certainly lose that dynamic that you had before sex, and I really don't believe you can ever get it back.

Do guys not understand that girls sometimes don't want to have feelings either? We most certainly believe that you "sometimes" don't want to have feelings either. Hell, we'd like it if you didn't want to have feelings. The problem is that "wanting" to not have feelings and actually NOT having feelings are two vastly different things. I want a million dollars, but that doesn't mean that I can compare apples and oranges. Or something like that. Girls intrinsically will have some emotional connection to the guy (or girl) that they are seeing. It's natural...and sometimes messy, but unavoidable either way. It's just a working hazard.

First date dinner: should a girl eat what she wants, or not let a guy see her pig-out? A girl who doesn't eat is a major turn-off for me. I'll sit and wonder, "why isn't she eating? does she have a disorder? does she have incredibly low self-esteem? is she depressed? oh shit, does she listen to Panic! or Brand New?" I like girls who eat, and I'm amazed at girls who eat more than me. I'm not going to say it's sexy--cause nothing about eating that much is sexy--but it definitely earns respect. No idea where this "being rail thin is attractive" idea came about, because most guys don't enjoy someone who could be broken in half with a flick in the rib cage.

does it worry a guy when his girlfriend tries to get in with his friends to the point that they could chill without him being there? It's cool to be in with the friends, so you don't have to split time before the two (angering both if the balance isn't pitch perfect), but there is a limit. If you're hanging out with the guy's friends without the guy being there, that's borderline replacement. This also runs the risk of never having a break from each other, which is a terrible, terrible thing. Everyone needs his or her space, and if someone asks for it, it's not a bad thing. It's natural, so don't take offense.

do guys like to take girls to "scary" movies because they actually want to see the movie or to scare the girl into closer proximity? For all parties involved, I really hope not. There has never been a time where I schemed what movie I would see with a girl specifically to get closer to her. If I picked a scary movie, I would see it just because I wanted to see a scary movie, girl be damned. Out of the many movies I've seen with girls, there have only been two that I didn't want to see going in (Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights and the Cinderella movie with Hilary Duff which I refused to pay for). Also, I almost never make out during a movie because I paid ten bucks to watch that movie; I can fool around in my car for free.

how does a girl know if a guy's out of a relationship long enough to not be a rebound girl There is no scientific equation to that one. The easiest answer is whether or not he leaves after a few days or weeks. Rebounding is a strange inexact situation that has no definitive end or beginning. I've known people who haven't been in a relationship for years, some that go directly into relationships in succession, and people who have balanced both. My guess is as good as yours, but usually when they stop talking about the other person out of spite and you're still there.

is a boyfriend flattered when his girl gets jealous or is it 100% turn off? It's simply odd. One girlfriend got incredibly uneasy and pissed when we were at a movie and someone in front of me just casually talked to me and bragged about where she went to school, which was considered flirting. It was bothersome because why would she be upset at something that I didn't even catch? I will say that I would also manufacture some jealousy, as I'd point out when girls were checking me out at the mall or elsewhere. In my mind, it made her appreciate that she has someone good on her arm, and also gave me a little boost of self-confidence. What I later found out (and is so clearly obvious now) is that is such a dirtbag thing to do. She was just jealous.....

what makes a girl clingy? Lots of texts or calls (especially when they aren't returned), ims that just don't stop, not having plans without the other person involved, making pet names far too early in the relationship (don't you dare call me “pookie” until the 3 month mark), not letting the other person breathe. We understand that you enjoy spending time with the other person, but they also enjoy spending time on their own without you: it's natural and healthy. Space space space space space.

How come guys say they only want sex but get upset when that's all you give them? Well, I've been thinking about it, and... Um...

if a guy really likes a girl, will he hold back physically? I don't hit'em til 4 weeks in. Lull them into a false sense of security. He will hold back so that the two of you can last longer. If your goal is simply to have sex, you'll either get it or you won't, and usually it will be in a manner unbecoming of a long-lasting relationship. If your goal is to be with the girl for a long period, you are more than likely not going to go straight for the belt buckle, lest you want to be known for "just wanting sex." Why is that so familiar?

should girls pay for themselves? No, never. It's a terrible situation, especially with this whole "equal rights" idea, but guys always are told to pay for the girl, hold the door open, etc. It's just the way things go. Personally, I have only once not paid (the aforementioned Duff movie). A lot of people split the bill, and that's good for them, but I can't do it. It's how I was raised.

what do you get a guy for valentines day? Oral. It's cheap and it's what we want on that god forsaken holiday. Every man hates Valentine's Day and is probably so pissed about getting just the right flowers or just the right jewelry that oral would probably be the best thing you could give.

Valentine's Day opens up to a whole different argument and that is the importance of girls showing off for guys. There is the accepted standard that the worst thing for a girl's self-esteem is a boy. We're so mean, so judgmental, throw around "slut" and "whore" as if they were going out of style. That is absolutely false. The worst enemy of a girl is another girl. There is no question. Some of the underhanded, dirty things I have seen a group of girl FRIENDS do to one another is shocking and offensive, specifically because it's either ignored or just "what girls do." Meanwhile, guys get the bad rap when we're just watching and putting down bets like at a cock fight (or like the crowd in Bloodsport).

Let's run through some important events for girls. Valentine's Day is not celebrated by males. We hate it. It's a stupid, made-up holiday that causes nothing but problems for everyone involved. It's the girl equivalent of "who's cock is larger." If you have a girlfriend, you aren't buying to make her happy, but to make her friends jealous. It is an elaborate contest set up by females to somehow judge their men. If you get your girlfriend a bouquet that isn't as pretty as Jenny's, you're a shitty boyfriend to your girlfriend, but most importantly to her friends.

Prom is another example. The girls could come in simple black dresses with little make up and some hair ties we wouldn't care. But, this is showing off to all of the other girls, so they have to get their hair done, nails painted, two weeks of tanning, and find the perfect dress. If, god forbid, another girl has a dress the same as theirs? The bitter resentment flies. Luckily, there are words like "slut" "whore" and "fat" to toss at the other girls, cause they can't look as good in that dress as you can!

how much do guys actually appreciate the small things? (such as cuddling/holding hands) They're nice and good, but we just don't harp on them like girls do. Holding hands for us just feels natural. For girls, it is the exact time, moment in conversation, method of holding, in what context, etc. We appreciate the small things, but we think of them simply as small things, not keys to understanding how the whole relationship works. Just because we don't want to cuddle one night does not mean that we want you out; we just don't want to cuddle. That is probably the bigger difference: not apprecation, but meaning.

why does my friends girlfriend consider me a threat because we play madden, like sports, and talk about history all the time?... it does not have to be those exact examples but it make me mad that she looks at me this way when i know she shouldnt For one, she doesn't seem to have much faith in the relationship. Also, she seems to be very uneasy with herself, thinking that she is lesser than other girls, silently questioning why he's with her. You're also bonding with him in a very organic way that she cannot get into. More so, she's jealous that you can so easily do something he does or takes an interest in (be it history or madden or anything) when she cannot. Whether or not you're trying to, you're doing the right steps to get yourself a man. You might think it's benign, but she might not see it that way - insecurity or not.

Ah, ladies and gentleman, we are almost up to the final post: sex. What, do you think I left that most interesting one last on purpose? Pfft. No. No way. Definitely, yes, yes I did.

Wait, there's one left? Lemme check here.... Oh. This one.

How come guys say they only want sex but get upset when that's all you give them? ...I got nothin.


doe said...

haha i love that u cant come up with a single thing for that question

Anonymous said...

YOU MUST ANSWER THAT LAST QUESTION!!!! MANTON NEVER SAYS "i got nothing" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TomO said...

Something to consider. While your other posts deal with more general areas of the male/female dynamic, this one seems to have a lot of situationally specific questions and answers, the jealousy area standing out.

Everyone has a different line of jealousy, starting with what is ok and what is not ok, what different people are comfortable with. It takes a whole lot to get me jealous, the trade off being I push beyond the line of what most women get jealous about (being a constant flirt kinda does that).

The sex question seems similar. Maybe it was something else whatever was going on between those two people that made a lot of sex not be enough. Sometimes, you want something for so long, that even when you get it, it's lost its appeal. Maybe they just wanted the challenge. Maybe they really wanted you to wear a nurse's outfit. Who knows. It just seems as a way too specific question to get a generalized answer. Unless this is a problem a lot of you women see. In that case, I'm totally lost.

Point being, it's important to take each individual person and situation as that, an individual. Sure, there are many generalizations that can be made about each gender (and you are describing our gender fairly accurately in most cases), but each person has their own lines, behavoirs, habits, tendencies, attractions, etc, and it is important to be patient enough to learn how that person operates, and together learn to make them operate with yours.

Oh, and having to look outside of BU? It's more than that. It's about looking outside of your box. The perfect person is like as likely to be in your class, your work, your floor, as they are to be miels away from you. What does you in is closing your mind to say that "there are no guys at BU". Hell, I went to Emerson and all the girls there said the same thing, as a bunch of guys just went and hooked up with the BU girls. There are countless good guys (and women) left around. It isn't a matter of them not being at BU, it's a matter of just not having found the right one yet. Patience and time. And yes, I'd say this no matter what my relationship status is.

Oh, and for the record, I've never wanted only sex. But I'll be damned if I'd ever be upset at a woman offereing a whole lot of it.

Pam said...

Wow, that guy who posted above is just a fountain of knowledge and wisdom.

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