Friday, November 17, 2006

Boys And Girls: Addendum to The Chase

File this one under "A Quick One While He's Away." I'm only hitting on this one comment because I think it would more easily be answered in its seperate banner than trying to cut it down to fit in Relations (coming sometime this weekend). The comment is from my dear friend Pam of my legit "sister site" Chickball:

While I'm set and reading this entry for its entertainment value more than anything, I'm pretty sure the average single girl will find your answer to "Where are all the good guys?? are they hidingggg?" unsatisfying. "I guess there aren't many out there," you say? Ugh. May I suggest a later blog entry that perhaps delves into this further, one that doesn't scream "YOUR SITUATION IS HOPELESS"?

And a note to the single/frustrated ladies out there: Venture off the BU campus and I guarantee your luck with guys will improve. And be patient.


I will give this one special treatment and hit on all the important points one at a time. I hope she enjoys getting singled out.

While I'm set and reading this entry for its entertainment value more than anything Braggart.

I'm pretty sure the average single girl will find your answer to "Where are all the good guys?? are they hidingggg?" unsatisfying. "I guess there aren't many out there," you say? Ugh. For all of those who didn't find the sarcasm all over that response, which goes on further to say "you're not alone" and "they already have girlfriends," well...it's sarcastic. I figured this one was more of a universal gripe that everyone already knew the answer to and I didn't really need to touch on it. Apparently I'm wrong.

May I suggest a later blog entry that perhaps delves into this further, one that doesn't scream "YOUR SITUATION IS HOPELESS"? Ok I was definitely wrong.

Everyone complains about not being able to find the right guy or girl at some time in their life. The most common reasoning is that there is something wrong with the pool. "Guys are too cocky" or "the girls are too bitchy," etc. etc. etc. It's never your problem, it's always their problem. For some reason, it seems like God has decided to thwart your every opportunity to get in a relationship, or heaven forbid some action, woe is me, woe is me. By the simple numbers of it, wouldn't one safely assume that if you're a girl and you're complaining about not finding the right guy that there are guys in a relatively close proximity who are thinking the same thing about your sex?

I firmly believe that two things get in the way of being happy: our ego and our drive. Our ego is the most important. No matter what anyone says or likes to believe, we're all shallow. Every single one of us. Looks are first above and beyond everything. Believe me, I'm not shaking my finger at anyone. There have been girls that I enjoy being around that I simply would not get with because I don't find them physically attractive. It's not their fault, really - it's mine. I can't look past the fact that I am not mature enough to look beyond the mere outside (mature enough or simply giving up, call it what you want).

One of my best friends is truly one of the best people I know. He's charismatic, he's hysterical, he's giving...he's pretty much what I try to be. His only problem is that his looks don't equal his heart. There is no chart or record of this, but he definitely has not gotten the attention that he should garner from the opposite sex, and it really frustrates me (let alone how he feels). He is everything a girl says that they want in a girl, so why doesn't he get the girl? Instead, he gets nothing. He's the friend, the one who you can talk to, the one who's the "great listener" (which is the worst compliment in the world).

You want to know where the great guys are? Right around you. Everywhere around you. Maybe you're too stuck in the woods to really see the trees, but we surround ourselves with great people. Your friends aren't your friends because they're attractive. Your friends are your friends because they're either really funny or giving or just outstanding individuals. I'm reading Chuck Klosterman and his first chapter in Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs is dedicated to the When Harry Met Sally syndrome of falling in love with your friends, or that every girl is looking for Lloyd Dobler from Say Anything. We want the perfect package, and if we can't find it, then we at least go for looks, cause like I said earlier, "you can't fuck a good sense of humor."

And a note to the single/frustrated ladies out there: Venture off the BU campus and I guarantee your luck with guys will improve. And be patient. I find this to be ridiculous. Guys are guys, no matter where they are. A good guy will be a good guy at BU, in Worcester, farming in Iowa. Genuinely good people radiate, and everyone knows who they are. Also, there are a lot of shit people everywhere, too. It's the usual lottery, and it has no bounds; be it town, state, or otherwise.

My home town had a strange relationship with our bitter rival, Emerson. We hated them in football, we hated them in basketball, we hated them because they simply existed. We'd call them skanky, Guidos, Seaside North, and so on until we were blue in the face. But we also teamed up with them to have one of the best wrestling programs in the state, which led to all these weird relationships. We always had a chip on our shoulder, but we'd always invite Emerson guys and girls over who were somehow more attractive. Same goes with people from other neighboring schools who just had this different aura about them. "Ooohhh they're different, but still go to the same Wendy's, so it's like the usual schmucks around here, just BETTER."

Our drive always wants us to get better partners, more partners, that there is always something greater down the road if we just keep looking. People don't stay in relationships because they're always looking down the line for the next big thing (hook-up, relationship, marriage). The same drive that keeps us moving upwards with science and technology is the same one that keeps us miserable when it comes to situations like this. "Where are all the good guys?" means that you've searched and found some people that just don't measure up. Measure up to what? The intangible perfect guy? There is a quote from High Fidelity that says he's tired of the fantasy, it doesn't exist.

So where does that leave us?

The term "settling down" startles me. What does that really entail? What are we settling for? It seems to me that this is more about giving up on the fantasy and sticking with whoever you can tolerate, giving up on finding the ideal and simply going with the person you're likely to strangle the least. Is that why marriages don't work, cause you just don't want to be alone so you "settle" for one person for the rest of your life? Is that what we get to look forward to?

So, back to the point. Where are all the good guys? They're everywhere, and you can't seem to find them until it's almost too late. Are we shallow and immature or give up later on? That question I cannot answer, nor will I be able to in five, ten, or twenty years from now. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to a hockey game and then a party where I will talk to a few friends with great personalities and try and get with the most attractive girl I can. It'll be fun talking to you before you do the same.

2 comments:

Pam said...

1) You are something of a douche on occasion.

2) How dare you insinuate that I cannot grasp the concept of sarcasm. Please. Remember who you're dealing with here.

3) You seem to say high expectations are a bad thing but then contradict yourself with thoughts on settling and its implications.

4) Kemosabi, jump on it, jump on it, jump on it...

Cara said...

Thanx for your answer to my question. :) It's all an ongoing conversation, really...there are no definitive answers, as I'm sure everyone is well aware. I try not to compare my life to anyone else's, PARTICULARLY to those of the movies (i.e. "When Harry Met Sally"), even though I fail sometimes....because I think the whole love thing is just one of those things you can't learn by example. You just have to figure it out for yourself. Bah! I could turn this into a whole blog entry of my own.