Monday, October 16, 2006

The Arctic Monkeys Rule

Racial profiling his hit the streets of Boston. Commonwealth Avenue, a main strip in Boston which contains mostly all of my campus, contains yet another instance of racial discrimination stemming only from one's color. Jewish kids are sent out into the gentile masses to try and smoke out their fellow Jews. How is this done? Simply by looking, they have to distinguish who they could pester and offer a corn stalk to. Why can they get away with racial profiling while no one else can, let alone in matters dealing with national security? If you read a white man wrote this blog before reading this, wouldn't you expect the classy, highbrow comedy you are currently enjoying (ps boobies lol). I'm not saying that racial profiling is wrong--in fact, in 98.5% of cases, it's 100% correct. Can't beat those numbers folks. In fact, we should do it more. It's as American as apple pie and silly race riots.

Also, using children to give things away on the street should be illegal. not because you are essentially whoring out children to do work that is meant for an adult, but because it isn't fair to those who pass by. You can't easily ignore and rudely walk past children who are shilling goods. I have no problem being Rick Rude to brainwashed 20-year-olds in an economic and political cult, but seeing devout Jewish children makes it harder. Mostly because they have a sad face, and I can't call them "douche bags," since they aren't old enough to understand that I just slighted their character.

Speaking of racial profiling, I was watching the GAS network on cable and enjoying the show GUTS, which pits 3 early-teens against one another in a battery of physical competitions, all culminating in a climb up the agro-crag, a large mountainous structure with paper Mache rocks and glitter. One of my friends back home (who I cannot remember) saw something very odd in how the kids are cast. I forget who it is, so I will claim complete credit for the idea. The blue kid is always a blonde, blue-eyed white male, red is a brunette white girl, and the purple child is always a minority, usually African-American with a fade (it was filmed in 1993 or so). They will sometimes switch it up - I've seen the All Aryan Challenge and I've seen these same kinds of kids with switched up colors as if we wouldn't pick up on their inherent racism. Doesn't matter though, as the black kid always wins anyway.

Geese do not step like Nazis. I'm shocked that they haven't sued based on descrimination yet. Do you think they were refused representations just because they are aquatic birds? Someone has to be outraged about this. But not me. I hate those dirty, lazy, no good Wingers.

For all of the hubbub about vampires recently, there is a fatal flaw in their attempt to take over the world. In documentaries such as Blade, Underworld, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, vampires (also referred to as "vamps") feed off of the living, killing their food source and also creating another vampire after the blood is sucked dry. This creates a mathematical formula that says that for every 1 vampire to live, 1 food source must die, and therefore 1 vampire--who compete for the same finite food source as the vampire that sired him or her--is created. Thus, each time a vampire feeds, it lessens the amount of available food by 200%, while also creating another competitor for a decreasing food supply. Vampires are evolutionary inept and act in a fashion that is completely detrimental to its own existence. Why do we worry? Eventually they will convert their entire food supply into competition and die off.

There is also the various vampire side effects that do not lend to a positive long-term plan for the creatures. If they walk into the sun, the universal life force for all things on Earth, they die. They can only use the planet for half of the day. That is just wasteful. If they happen to walk by a vegetable aisle during the day, they can have their skin burnt if they mistake garlic for onions. Vampires are simply not built to last; they are a flash in the proverbial pan. The same goes for zombies, whose thirst for human brains will eventually lead to their downfall. Werewolves, on the other hand, are simply animals, and therefore scare the bejesus out of me.

Atmosphere has a song called "I'm Always Coming Back Home To You," and in point of the song, Slug--the MC-- says, "It was a .38, the poor man's machete." Isn't that poor man's machete a butter knife or something? I don't think you can say something is a poor man's anything if it is in fact more costly than what you are comparing it to. He should be shot with a poor man's Nerf gun.

I have coined a new term, to go with Unknowing Asshole and my bread and butter, That Guy (which I didn't create, but will ride to money on that train): Social Landmine. Today I was walking through the street and saw a girl who, in passing, politely smiled hello to me. It took a second to remember who she was. Ah yes, she was the one who was rubbing and groping me while everyone was all wasty-waste on Friday night. Faaaaantastic. I have realized now that, especially after this weekend, there are tiny little explosions waiting to take me down, and there is no way that I can track them. At any moment, I could step on...a Social Landmine(c).

13 comments:

Pam said...

Ha! You saw that girl? Amazing.

Also, I am insanely jealous that your cable package includes a network that airs GUTS. I always wanted to go on that show. *sigh*

pt said...

awwwww...
how deceiving.
i thought this was going to be about the arctic monkeys :(

Anonymous said...

I'll be sure to bring up your points about vampires and zombies to the film crew of "I Am Legend" (a movie either about vampires or zombies, we're not 100% sure which) who has recently been occupying my territory and almost made me late for class last Tuesday morning.

Also -- I dig the new term of "social landmine." I will try to work it into my everyday vocabulary.

-- i<3manty

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