Monday, October 02, 2006

Answered By Manton

I asked for your questions, and I got a few. Huzzah! Now I answer them.

where do babies come from?

Babies come from God. God gives them to storks, and storks leave them in cabbage patches. From there, they are magically transformed in to drunk, high, horney seventeen year olds who cannot have sex in their cars or their homes and are relegated to let their hormones fly in terribly awkward locales, such as a cabbage patch. From there, who knows where they go, cause it could be anywhere from the mother's arms, to an adoption center, or in the bathroom at prom. Lesson learned? Let your kids have sex in your house. This way they won't be drunk or high and could both be rational enough to always wear a condom. Or something to that effect.

From Suzie:
can we hear about manton's most embarassing moment?


There are a few really embarrassing ones, including being harshly rejected in sixth grade, my first sexual experience and of course seeking political asylum in a bathroom. There was one instance that I will never live down, and that involves this one kid who I did not like. I was sitting around the lunch table with all of my friends and, like any other day, I was talking to no one in particular. Frustrated--not because I didn't have an audience since that was the norm--with this one child, I had an outburst that was supposed to be "I want to beat the shit out of (boy's name)." Instead, I exclaimed, in a fit of anger, "I want to fuck the shit out of (boy's name)." As soon as the sentence blew (I probably shouldn't use this verb....) out of my mouth (definitely shouldn't have), I became very quiet, hoping that no one would have heard it. The side conversations continued until one of my friends looks at me, then the table, then back at me, and goes "what?" They all heard. I have yet to hear the end of it.

ps not gay.

Earlier this evening you had an away message that said something like "I hate...everything you choose to be" or something to that effect. Is that something you came up with or are they lyrics? Do they have significance to where you are in you life right now or was a song just stuck in your head?

Also, can you share a funny anecdote about your new roommates? What are some of their quirky habits?

It's a quote from the American version of The Office from the last episode of Season 2 where Michael (played by Steve Carrell) finally lets Toby (played by a guy named Toby - seriously) know exactly how he feels about him. The significance is it's probably one of the best comedic line readings ever, which helps since Carrell wrote the episode, and therefore his own line.

I have no funny anecdotes about my new roommates. One of them is Zack, who I consider to be my best friend at school (and one of my best in general), who is great at foosball, sketch comedy, and obtaining favors from girls (and he's not even a scumbag!). Ben is someone who I wish I knew for the previous two years as well as I do now cause he's a great guy, hard worker, and is 21. Captain Fantastic is a mouse that has recently migrated from the kitchen into Ben's room, after following Zack from Claflin Hall his freshman year. We're all glad to see he's made it this long, and no one is really upset that we have a mouse...until it defecates in one of our rooms. Then that fucker is as good as dead.

"Why do you think people are so negative towards BU. Is BU really that much worse than everywhere else?"

It is the classic "grass is greener" situation. All of the kids who wanted out of my home town so badly are either back every weekend or still live there. It's always easiest to hate where you are cause you can always complain about something. BU sucks just as much as probably any other college out there. Do you think other schools don't have fines for alcohol violations? For noise violations? People make it out to be that BU is the only collegiate institution to be run not for educating its students, but for making a profit for its trustees. Everyone wants to believe that there is something better that they are not a part of so they have something to complain about.

The Ladder Theory

The Ladder Theory goes as such: men and women put the opposite sex on a table system. Men will almost immediately put women on a ladder with designated points, with the top being "want to have sex with" followed by "friends you'd have sex with," "have sex with drunk and admit," and "have sex with drunk and not admit." Girls have two ladders, one in a similar structure to men and another ladder committed exclusively to male friends who cannot transfer from the friend ladder to the sex ladder.

Reading the site is just the most sappy, pitiful, and bitter assessment of females from someone who was burned way too many times. Whoever wrote this up took my Credo I made freshman year in high school and put numbers to it. It's a blast to read, mostly because you know how many people flat out rejected him over time. It just drips of hatred. For example, he constantly says that girls just "fuck" drug dealers, addicts, people going nowhere. Yeah, ok, they do. What about the other girls?

I do not subscribe to the methods that he believes one should use to get a girl, which is to ignore them and treat them like shit and they'll want you. I'm just not that mean of a guy. When I am, it's usually for someone I wouldn't have sex with even if I used Captain Fantastic. Once again, grass is always greener is fully in play here. Sure, I have had a thing for Arielle Vaz for as long as I can remember, but that doesn't mean that I ever thought I'd get her (in any situation). Did it ever occur to you, Ladder Theorist, that you just simply weren't her type? She wouldn't go for me because she wouldn't go for a guy like me. That's just how it goes.

I have had a rather good record with girls I have been with for being a nice guy. I will continue to keep this method up because I usually get good girls when I act like a good guy. I wouldn't really want a girl that I treated like shit and he she wanted me more. That really just shows that she has little self-esteem, thinks very little of herself, and needs to constantly be told she isn't fat or is pretty. Who the hell wants to deal with that? Sure, she's hot, but if the whole time she's going "does this position make me look fat?" what's the point? I'm too old to be criticizing the most attractive girls cause they can go for douche bag guys. I don't need them.

Doesn't mean I can't use them for alone time ammunition....

I will use this time to answer a question that has been asked of me for some time. I was asked to have a realistic fantasy girl, and I said an Asian, much to the surprise of my (half) Asian friend Kim. She inquired further as to why white guys usually would want a an Asian girl. My answer is such: it's what we can't have. Almost every Asian girl I have seen at BU hangs out exclusively with other Asians, including males, of course. They are the most self-excluded race I have encountered here. To somehow nab a girl from the giant group and take her to bed for some love making (?) would be to seemingly do the impossible. I assume it's the same reason why black guys go after white girls.

Except that there might be some underlying male ego problem that runs as an undercurrent. If the urban myths are true, then Asian men have the smallest penises, Caucasians are normal, and black men are the undisputed champs. For as long as time can document, men have been insecure about their penis sizes. One could also assume that the vaginas of all three races would be designed to fit their male counterparts. By using these ideas, one could hypothesize that men sort of "trade up" to make the illusion that they are bigger by going down one level of vaginal size. Therefore, white men get with Asian girls to have a false illusion of penile grandeur, and same with the black men with white girls. It's a stretch (lol get it lol), but I think it might hold some weight, especially since I know absolutely nothing about human anatomy.

Finally, it wasn't from the Ask Manton post, but someone left me with i love you. and it wasn't my Mom. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Mostly, I just hope it wasn't from a male.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

your line: "Doesn't mean I can't use them for alone time ammunition" was brilliant