Sunday, July 02, 2006

Lobbing Softballs

When kids wanted to be mischievous between Bell creating the phone and about 10 years ago, the prank call was the way to do it. A young lad could call up one of his rivals and alert him to catch his running refrigerator or to please release Prince Albert from his royal can. With new technology breeds new ways to annoy people. The advent of the internet has given a whole new, completely anonymous, way to mess with your common man. It's as easy as creating a fake screen name and iming your target with a barrage of funny comments. I fell victim to such a prankster tonight, and it was a terrible experience

It wasn't because the person mentioned my ex-girlfriend, or because of the acts in which they described, or even who they brought up. No, it was terrible because they were unfunny and made me waste a good thirty minutes dealing with someone who had nothing but hack material. I will share this conversation with you dear readers, of course, with running commentary on the situation.

I'm not upset because of the attempt to "get me," but merely because they were so bad at it. It is a slap in the face. At least bring your B game, you rapscallions.

NawTeLiLGurL69: sup nig
KingManton: hi?
NawTeLiL GurL 69: haha sorry for the language!
NawTeLiL GurL 69: whats uppp??
KingManton: well, my lack of melanin makes the "nig" comment seem...out of place
NawTeLiL GurL 69: i know what you mean, nig
KingManton: wooooord
KingManton: watching cinderella man on HBO because I'm too lazy to turn the channel, you?
- Like any conversation with someone I don't know, I just keep going like I know who they are. Believe me, it works. Just ahead is where it turns "ugly."
NawTeLiL GurL 69: masturbating thinking of you
NawTeLiL GurL 69: well not exactly
KingManton: oh shucks
NawTeLiL GurL 69: im watching a porno for fun and the guy reminded me of you
NawTeLiL GurL 69: haha
KingManton: that's...well
KingManton: uh
KingManton: how, exactly
KingManton: the haircut was similar?
NawTeLiL GurL 69: that
NawTeLiL GurL 69: lanky
NawTeLiL GurL 69: tall body
NawTeLiL GurL 69: thats basically
KingManton: so...someone who shouldn't be in a porn
NawTeLiL GurL 69: haha, it was pretty gross
NawTeLiL GurL 69: but youre not at all!!
- What, did they think that they were going to sucker me in to some cyber sex with someone I don't know? And it really does sound so appealing. Like Perry Mason, I decide at this point that they know who I am by the stunningly accurate account of my body type. Immediately I pull back the curtains to peer out my windows. Nothing. Foiled again by this merry band of tricksters!
KingManton: thanks for the compliment
NawTeLiL GurL 69: i would ride your dick any day of the week
KingManton: aw, that's sweet
NawTeLiL GurL 69: except mondays cause i have to ride hailey that day
- Oh man, here comes the ex-girlfriend! Now it'll REALLY set me off!
KingManton: of course
NawTeLiL GurL 69: what, you dont believe me??
KingManton: I do
- Backfire.
NawTeLiL GurL 69: okay good good
- Panic.
KingManton: I don't need to see the schedule or anything
KingManton: and who's hailey?
NawTeLiL GurL 69: am i spelling it wrong?
KingManton: yeah
KingManton: haley
KingManton: go back and erase it in the schedule
KingManton: just for accuracty, ya know
NawTeLiL GurL 69: hahahaha
- Did you know that you can actually SEE nervous laughter? I know you can hear it, but I didn't know it translated so well to AIM conversations as well. The wheels are falling off and we're only about 20 ims in to the conversation.
KingManton: and I miss spell accuracy
NawTeLiL GurL 69: haha ironic
KingManton: indeed
NawTeLiL GurL 69: dont ya think???
NawTeLiL GurL 69: haha
KingManton: 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife
- Getting too comfortable...need to attack!
NawTeLiL GurL 69: it reminds me of the time that haley was muffdiving me
KingManton: which time was that
NawTeLiL GurL 69: when i forgot to shave and it looked like she had a moustache
- AHA! Got him this time!
KingManton: that's adorable
KingManton: did ya get a picture?
- God dammit.
NawTeLiL GurL 69: yeah i did
NawTeLiL GurL 69: its online
KingManton: awesome
NawTeLiL GurL 69: want me to send you the link??
KingManton: eh, I have enough
- zing! I crack myself up.
NawTeLiL GurL 69:
NawTeLiL GurL 69: look familiar?
KingManton: and how do you have that on file so quickly
- Honestly. That link popped up five seconds after "send the link?" I never clicked it, but by the url of "sillyjokes" I'm sure it's a right.
KingManton: that's my question
NawTeLiL GurL 69: cause i hear you gotta hairy pussy to
NawTeLiL GurL 69: i look at it all the time
- Nice answer, schmuck boy
NawTeLiL GurL 69: haley turns me on
- Have to stay on topic! Keep pushing the ex angle!
KingManton: hell no, I keep my non-existant pussy groomed at all times
KingManton: she's a pretty girl
NawTeLiL GurL 69: thats true
KingManton: go for it - she's not attached to me. Have fun
NawTeLiL GurL 69: why would she be attached to a lose rlike you, when she could have a pussy like mine all night??
- Thanks you illiterate fuck. Putting this into Word might make my computer explode from all of the squiggly little red lines it has to generate.
KingManton: are you ever wrong?
NawTeLiL GurL 69: yeah sure
NawTeLiL GurL 69: soemtimes
- Like a retard told to do work outside with a pinwheel spinning in the background. Impossible to stay focused on the goal.
NawTeLiL GurL 69: but goddammit...
NawTeLiL GurL 69: haley is soooo right
- Here's the set up....
KingManton: how so
NawTeLiL GurL 69: i fuck her
NawTeLiL GurL 69: its fun
NawTeLiL GurL 69: i like it
NawTeLiL GurL 69: her pussy is very delicious
- And there's the...payoff? Guy walks into a bar...AND HE DOES! SERIOUSLY, FOLKS! Ugh.
KingManton: what's not to like
NawTeLiL GurL 69: the fact that she was with a loser like you kinda scares me
KingManton: I'm shocked you can sleep at night
- Heads up - if you just go with it and say shit like my comment, it will drive'em nuts. All that is wanted is a "go fuck yourself asshole" and then he/she/they would just start laughing. Sorry. Stay tuned, it gets worse as time goes on.
NawTeLiL GurL 69: but you did scare her into being a lesbo
NawTeLiL GurL 69: so i gotta hand it to you
KingManton: why thank you. I have quite the talent
NawTeLiL GurL 69: i have quite the talent at sucking cocks
NawTeLiL GurL 69: but i like pussies more
KingManton: you can do it all
- ?
NawTeLiL GurL 69: for you... i would do anything
- Notice the use of italics to emphasize the variety of activities that the person would engage in with me.
KingManton: oh man, let me calm down
NawTeLiL GurL 69: no
NawTeLiL GurL 69: ill let you cum down all over my chest
- Nice segue. I'm shocked you passed on the juicer "let" and went right for the more difficult "down." You get points for difficulty, even though you stuck the landing much like the Hindenburg.
NawTeLiL GurL 69: this is lindsey duck by the way
NawTeLiL GurL 69: quack quack
NawTeLiL GurL 69: i have flippers
NawTeLiL GurL 69: and a pussy
NawTeLiL GurL 69: and lips meant to be seucking pussssyyy
- Girl from my high school. If you're reading this Miss Duck, hope things are well.
KingManton: are they connected?
KingManton: the pussy and flippers?
KingManton: cause it would be an odd way to fly
- I'm so witty
NawTeLiL GurL 69: well, people tell me i am a fly girl
- They are so not
NawTeLiL GurL 69: and i tell them to go fuck themselves
NawTeLiL GurL 69: then i suck their dicks
NawTeLiL GurL 69: and haley helps
KingManton: what else would she do
- As soon as I sent this I wanted to add "applaud and bake apple pies?" Thank god for this blog.
NawTeLiL GurL 69: she would look for the biggest cock she could find...
NawTeLiL GurL 69: then suck it all night
NawTeLiL GurL 69: making up for time with you, i guess
KingManton: I guess so
KingManton: just for scheduling purposes, how long do you think this is going to keep going for?
NawTeLiL GurL 69: ohhhh shit
NawTeLiL GurL 69: days on end
- That means about 10 more minutes. Days got shorter. It's like the inverse of the "created in 6 days" argument.
KingManton: well, I'm going to have to sleep eventually
KingManton: just wanted to give you the heads up
NawTeLiL GurL 69: haley just wanted to do that too...
NawTeLiL GurL 69: give head
- Douche chill
KingManton: nice clarification
NawTeLiL GurL 69: my name is...
NawTeLiL GurL 69: claire viola
- Oh god, they're drowning. If you're reading this Claire, hope things are well, and you scratch less.
KingManton: good job with the topic change there champ
KingManton: running out of steam?
NawTeLiL GurL 69: im a champion of fucking girls
NawTeLiL GurL 69: want a picture of me and haley??
KingManton: and I thought you were Danielle Duck
KingManton: I might not be who you, in fact, say you are
KingManton: which, on the internet, is just...appalling
NawTeLiL GurL 69:
NawTeLiL GurL 69: im on the left
KingManton: fantastic
- Once again, didn't click the link, but this person sure has a nice collection of lol-able pictures !!!!1
NawTeLiL GurL 69: we JUST had sex
NawTeLiL GurL 69: right when the picture was taken
- were ya?
NawTeLiL GurL 69: and right now too!
KingManton: while typing?
KingManton: jesus are you talented
NawTeLiL GurL 69: she was sucking my pussy
- I'm starting to lose track of what's going on here
NawTeLiL GurL 69: shes good at it
NawTeLiL GurL 69: you would know if you had one
NawTeLiL GurL 69: but you have a small dick instead
KingManton: oh please, stop flattering me
NawTeLiL GurL 69: oh please
NawTeLiL GurL 69: please...
NawTeLiL GurL 69: yess....
NawTeLiL GurL 69: oh shit, im talking ot haley not you
- Do I even need to comment? Wowie.
KingManton: hmm?
NawTeLiL GurL 69: hmmm
NawTeLiL GurL 69: yeaaah
KingManton: oh, say hi
KingManton: we haven't talked in a while
NawTeLiL GurL 69: her mouth is full
KingManton: that's fine - YOU can still say hi
NawTeLiL GurL 69: no i have a guys dick in my mouth
- You can actually FEEL them running out of steam. It's sad.
NawTeLiL GurL 69: its sujoy
KingManton: so you have a guy's dick in your mouth, while typing, well having sex with haley, and taking pictures during the act, while simultaneously being sujoy, claire viola, and danielle duck?
NawTeLiL GurL 69: no its sujoys dick thats in my mouth
KingManton: oh, well, good for him, then
- I'm sure he'd be excited
NawTeLiL GurL 69: hes fucking huge!
KingManton: I'll give him a firm handshake next time I see him
NawTeLiL GurL 69: shake his hand, or dick
NawTeLiL GurL 69: he would liek the dick
KingManton: well, I'd prefer the hand, thank you. It's more polite that way
- Here is the two to three minutes of silence
KingManton: anything else?
NawTeLiL GurL 69: lots
KingManton: then by all means, continue
“NawTeLiL GurL 69” signed off at 12:51:45 AM.
- I love the smell of "signed off" in the morning. Smells like.......victory.

If you're a boy, or a group of boys, and you want to cause some mischief, that is what NOT to do. Do not get a girl's stupid looking screen name that is not even believable (I thought it was one of those porn sns making a come back) and dish terrible banter back and forth looking for a reaction. Also, put yourself out of your misery and sign off earlier, unless you are so incredibly bored that a conversation like this would be entertaining. And take out the shift buttons, cause they are seemingly meaningless ornaments to make the keyboard be rectangular for a smoother presentation.

But hey, maybe you are a fan of their snide remarks and witty barbs, and enjoy it when you start shit talking someone, dig yourself a hole, then ask the other person if they have the keys to the back hoe over there to speed the process up. This was also the second attempt, and the second mention of my pal Sujoy. I'm befuddled as to why his name keeps coming up. But I congratulate him on his huge cock.

C'mon folks. If you're going to get at me, you're going to have to do better than that.


Sujoy said...

oh hell yes. you heard the rumors...

Partha said...

NawTeLiL GurL 69: its sujoy

goddammit sujoy

Anonymous said...

Manton -- Way to slap around some two-bit wannabe like a red-headed stepchild. 'Twas like watching a one-on-one soccer match between me and Ronaldinho.

Sujoy -- Please get back to me on those herbal supplements. I thought you were trying to hawk me a fraud, but they seem to be working.

-- e.

FabMaster69 said...

its 11:59 pm so goodmorning to you

Anonymous said...

way to go manton...way to keep ur cool...and i gues congrats to sujoy...haha


Anonymous said...

When I saw "NawTeLiL", I was all like, "what's a nawtel?" Then I realized it meant naughty-lil. stupid me.

And by the way, I still get porno IM's sometimes.


deb said...

sooo,, was it a boy or a girl? that was talking to you
i had a hard time following that.

what a waste of space they must be.


arndt said...

Quite the impressive comeback, Anton.

Anonymous said...

what amazes me was that you kept your cool out during the whole thing. and for "nawTeLiL Gurl 69": if you're reading this- you're a fucking loser who needs to stop e-probing into antons life and work up the balls to say those kind of things to him in person.

Anonymous said...

those little shits are pathetic, pick up a hobby. maybe tennis or volleyball, but the hobby of telling people off online is not for you, because you SUCK AT IT.


Anonymous said...

hi this is claire viola
i just wanna tell you that haley has turned to girls after being with you and that she appreciates my vag a lot

Cara said...

Wow, did high school kids run out of other high school kids to bother? Sad.

Note to self: Never mess with Manton on AIM. It WILL end up in his blog.

Anonymous said...

who ever did that i hope they read this cause thats really fucked up to bring haley into that- your gayyyyyyyy

Anonymous said...

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