Monday, June 19, 2006

We All Believe It

One night, much like the one in which I'm currently writing this, I got introspective. That really doesn't take much for me. All that involves is little sleep (between five and seven hours) and listening to Coldplay. Some fine examples are here, here, and here (the last one is my mom's favorite idea why). As you can tell, I get really deep maaaaaan. Wait, who am I kidding? No one clicked those links. I get very emo, just take my word for it. Anyway, the point of one of these sessions of loneliness at 3:30 while my roommate slept feet away and I plugged away on a laptop like a zombie with the eerie glow of the monitor was to find what unified everyone.

There is no real universal anything anymore. Some would say music, but if you listen to some Sweedish death metal or some German trance or Chinese folk songs (had to watch a movie, don't ask) it's unintelligible gibberish. Great literature doesn't translate with all cultures because of religious problems and different locales. I don't think a child in Bangladesh will really grasp the significance of Charlotte's Web without understanding what grass or half of the animals are. There is, however, one idea that is linked across everything: faith.

I don't mean Faith in the George Michael/Limp Bizkit way, because I'm far too straight and not hardcore for that. I definitely don't mean a faith that has anything to do with religion. When you read some of the things in the Bible, it doesn't take a leap of faith to believe. It takes a complete shunning of common sense. In a whale? Really? Pillar of salt? Uh huh? Slaves? Yeah, ok, they existed, too. Faith in and of itself is secular.

Faith is a common day appliance, with even more uses than the can opener and the dishwasher combined. For example, any time you drive you're using incredible amounts of it. The only thing that keeps you from smashing into the car who is also cruising at 45 miles per hour at you--but just 5 feet to your right--is a painted line...and a general unwillingness to kill oneself. Throw some alcohol into the equation and that painted line doesn't mean anything. But, we all believe that we will all drive safely...or just enough to not maim each other. All of that is predicated on a series of laws, most of which are enforced by glowing colored lights, paint, and aluminum signs.

Schools are all faith based, especially colleges or private high schools. You believe that you're paying X amount of dollars so that in the future your money will be paid back to you in some sort of profession. Of course, we are all vastly overpaying (I swear that the first Passover would be less costly than 4 years at a private liberal arts college) so we're already behind the eight ball. But we always think that we'll get something good out of it at the end. If I work hard enough in Screenwriting 1, and if I suck enough Producer dick, I might actually have a job sometime in the future. I also have faith that bananas are a good training method in order to write Garfield 3: The Lasagna Chronicles.

Relationships are incredibly faith based. You put yourself into a situation where you put all of your emotional eggs in someone else's basket and hope that they don't completely fuck you over and leave you an emotional wreck. If you have a significant other at college and you're back in town, you both have to believe that your connection is strong enough to withstand temptation. Without faith, there is no trust. Without trust, well, you have nothing. Except maybe good sex. That is not depended on faith. Waking up the next day and seeing the results of "no, really, I don't have crabs" is all about faith, however.

Governments are run based off of our willingness to put someone in charge who will make the proper decisions when needed. Hell, to elect a president we put faith behind the electoral to put their one Presidential Point to who we all vote for on a state level. On a second note, that's not faith. That's idiocy. Who the fuck came up with that idea? Has anyone seen an electoral voter? Do they have to register for that like the rest of us? What if he's just a douche and always votes against the state, if only to show off his prick powers. We're an actual government people, and our votes literally mean not a thing in the grand scheme of things. Why hasn't anyone thought this through? Fuck faith based voting.

The point is that a lot of times things might not swing your way. There are moments in your life when things just fall apart, and there isn't enough crazy glue to miraculously piece it all back together. We wallow in our self-pity, we feel sorry for ourselves, and we lament what we lost (or what we didn't realize we had). What keeps us going? For some, nothing can pull them out of the rut. But what about the vast majority? We are built to believe in something better for ourselves. Be it a better grade, a new love, or coping with the loss of a loved one. Genetically, we are inclined to believe in a positive; it is our greatest survival mechanism.

There have been times this summer where I have sat alone in my room listening to Coldplay. I get miserable, lonely, depressed. I think about what was, what never was, what could have been, and what never will be. I lament impossibilities. There is a great skill that I possess to really kick myself when I'm down. There are times where you find out your ex might be seeing someone else while you and your male friend scour the mall for a soccer videogame where you just feel at your most pathetic. When all is said and done, I am sitting here expecting something better. For all the hurt (big and small), all of the "what ifs?" and the put downs I put upon myself, I'm still standing. More so, I know things will get even better, cause shit, they're pretty good right now.

I don't know. I'm just faithful, I guess.


Pam said...

I like your "Have you?" entry, too. One of your more poetic, eloquent, and pertinent pieces.

P.S.- I love you and miss you and always remember that there are people out there who care about and believe in you. :o)

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