Tuesday, March 21, 2006

The reasons that this exists

It has come to my attention that over the past few weeks, this site and my writings have gotten a larger audience than before. Because of the tracker in my profile that most of you go through, I have a good idea of the sampling of the readers. Because of the recent topics and their relevance to the High School, there have been more readers from that sect; it's only natrual. However, I have received a complaint on content that I would like to address, as I never really have before.

This blog, or whatever better name you want to call it, is incredibly self-serving. I will be the first to admit that this is completely about me becase, well, that's the point. When this started out it was simply a way for me to keep my writing skills honed. Painters paint, lawyers law, and alcoholics die of liver failure--it's the natural order of things. At no point did I ever imagine that so many people have taken an interest.

Once I realized I had an audience, there was a slant towards entertainment. It's undeniable, and I refuse to stand here (sit?) and say that I don't write things for a reaction, because I'm not a liar...most of the time. The point of this is to keep writing as well as a personal catharsis. Ever since I hit a weird depression in ninth grade I turn to writing as a means to express how I'm feeling, since I don't punch hard enough to get out all of my aggression. When I get upset, be it angry or any other emotion, my first instinct is to rant. This blog facilitates that function.

At no point did I ever think of this as a gossip column nor a way to get back at people. If it ever does become that, then I have really lost it and should start writing an emo-riffic live journal about how life is pain and listen only to The Cure. As I mentioned in a previous entry (the last one, I believe) my dad asked me why people read. I feel that it's both entertaining and possibly could help other people go through their problems or what have you. Maybe that's just too self-serving, as if I really make a difference or have an effect on people, but I think it is valid.

I am a very open person and I share most of my experiences with people. On this blog, I have already tip-toed the line between decency and cruelty, and I'm sure to walk that highwire again. It was possible that if this were less known about, if I didn't publicize it on my facebook profile or have a link on my screen name, that I could be more liberal with what I say. Although I don't believe I would, the readership as of late has put a forced responsibility on me to make sure I don't cross that line into contemptible areas.

I felt, and still do feel, that my writings about my experiences with my girlfriend as of late are printable. I think people could relate to, or at least see a fascination in, a person who doesn't know if the light he's seeing is the twilight or the dawn in his relationship. But, at no point do I want this to fuel the fires of gossip or to have my feelings perverted against others. I write what I experience, and I hope people come away with a laugh or a thought, but I don't want them to come away with ammunition.

Conversely, I outright refuse to allow someone else to censor what I feel. At times it might be awkward to be reading your experiences up on a page on the internet that anyone can see. Talk to any of the girls in Manton vs. Women, I'm sure you'll get a similar response. However, I feel that I take the proper precautions to make it both tasteful and protective of the intimate and personal moments that were shared. As much as I refuse censorship, I refuse to let this devolve into a "he said/she said;" we are all more mature than that.

In closing, I would like to apologize to anyone with whom I have offended, put in an awkward position, or "outed" in any way. That is not my intention. If I feel that a topic is worth writing about, I will write it and do my best to keep it credible. That is all that I can guarentee. The content itself will fluctuate, and I cannot stop that if I want to feel true to myself, to keep this as the catharsis that it was in the beginning. Also, I would like to apologize to anyone who reads this solely for giggles because I haven't really been in the mood the past few weeks to be happy jokey funny man. If you want some Manton comedy asap, check out my radio show here. I'm going to update later and give you all something to laugh about, because hell, I need it, too.

Lyrics have been a popular way of saying how you feel, so I'm going to leave with something from P.O.S.

I've tried to walk the right side of the tracks
But I've hopped a couple trains
Mom would cry if she knew, perhaps
But I can stand who I am
And face the day straight knowing
Nothing can ever change what I've been saying

No one will ever be like me

all i can do is try to do what's right


Cara said...

Hey...I have a Live Journal...I resent that :)

Don't worry about censoring yourself....as far as I can tell, you protect people's "innocence" pretty well....and I guess anyone who knows about whom you are speaking already must have known what happened with them...so...no worries. I get a kick out of reading this...don't change it.

Oh yeah...and that tracking thing in your profile....NOT COOL....those things always sneak up on me and I'm like "Aw, man, now they're gonna think I'm stalking them!!"

lindsey said...

i'd just like to say...music lyrics were a very nice touch... a general comment about imchaos-- ppl come onnnnnnnn..if you're gonna stalk ppl do it right! okkk thats it.