Monday, February 06, 2006

Have you?

You ever have one of those nights where you simply question everything? When you sit around and just wonder about everything you've been taught? Did we ever REALLY land on the moon? Do M&Ms really melt in your mouth and incredibly refuse to melt in your hand? Is there a God? If there is, is his middle name Pete or Hummerdinger? Why did Denzel win an Oscar when Don Cheadle is barely known by anyone? Once again, is there a God? Yeah, me too.

You ever have those days where nothing you do goes right? It is uncanny how many simple tasks fail you. When you get you bang your foot against the desk that has been there for six months. Or, when you forget your pen...and your ID card...and your book...and of course, your keys. What about when you're about to hand in your paper when you realize that page 5 is sitting in the printer, just waiting to be stapled with all of his buddies, but you forgot it? And then, on your way home, you step in that giant puddle that looks only like it's an inch deep as you're soaked to your kneecap. Yeah, me too.

You ever have those long nights where you just want to give up? Nothing you do makes sense anymore. There is no reason to go to college as you're just taking classes you never wanted to take in the first place to get a degree that doesn't even guarentee you a job. Why do I hang out with all of these people around me? Are they bringing me down? Shit, am I bringing THEM down just being around them? What's the point of going on? There are so many people in this world and not every one of them succeeds. A lot of them fail. No one aspires to be a janitor, or 35 and working in McDonalds. What if I come up short, too? What if everything i'm doing right now is just putting off the inevitable: I'm untalented and I'm going to be a failure, and I'll be in debt to boot. Yeah, me too.

You ever have those days when you're walking around on an unseasonably warm February night, just after dusk, and things just feel right? You can't justify it, there's nothing to put a finger on. There is just something beyond you, something better than you can understand. Something that you just humor for lack of a better explanation. As you walk, a cold breeze gently sweeps across you, and that sting hits your face, and you can't possibly feel more alive. All of the worries of the world go away. All of the baggage that you've been carrying around falls off of your back at once. For a moment, you're free. One splendid moment in your busy, hectic, anxiety-ridden life just completely takes over. Then the moment is over, you pick up your bags, and move back on your way. You ever have those days? Yeah, me too.

You ever just stop to think how lucky you are? Four limbs, no diseases, no problems other than a tricky way to go after speech, or a complete lack of self-confidence in front of the other sex, or just a bad hair day. Each little tick that you have overflows into this incredible crisis that consumes your life. How can anyone be happy when Johnny just dumped me after going out with me for two whole weeks? Why is everything around me going forward when I just lost my favorite pen? Honestly, how can you sleep knowing that Seattle just blew the Super Bowl?

You ever think about the people lying in hospital beds right now who crave mulling over those insignificant things? All the minutes you waste searching the web (even though there's nothing new there) or watching TV (even though there's nothing good on) or laying around aimlessly? Have you ever thought about all of the time that you're wasting that you would kill to have back later in life? All of this wasted youth doing nothing but listening to the clock tick away and acting like it doesn't affect you? You ever really take a moment to be thankful for what you have compared to others? You ever think about how spoiled you are, Have, while the Have-Nots of the world wish they could be you? You ever think that there is no heaven, and we better start making this life matter?

No, I don't either. I think we should....

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