Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Get down with the sickness

I've had an interesting couple of days.

There were some problems back home that left my girlfriend Haley in a bad way, so I felt obliged to go back and try to make her feel better. She was sick, but I bravely said that I didn't mind, and we did relationship-related activities Friday and Saturday. Late Saturday night I was hanging around my house when I had a nose bleed. I figured it was odd, and hadn't had one in a while . Oh well, it was dry and cold outside, so I figured that was the reason.

After coming back to Boston that Sunday, I realized that it wasn't an isolated incident. I walked in to my dorm room and no longer than five minutes in, my left nostril started to bleed again. Now it's just getting annoying. I get into bed that night and make a startling observation after stretching my legs out - there is a giant hole in my bedding. After a careful examination, there are actually two holes and two more are ready to burst. I lament the fact that my awesome tan jersey sheets will be going the way of the dodo.

Cut to Tuesday morning when I wake up and roll over to check my clock radio. I look down and feel something run from my nose. Drip, drip. If my sheets weren't done before, they were dead now, as two large drops of blood come flowing out like a faucet. I grab some tissues and make the first words of the day "motherfucker!!" After inserting a ton of little rolled up pieces of tissue into my nose, I stop the flow and leave for class, confused as to why I keep bleeding.

While in my natural science lecture, my right nostril is running like it's in a marathon. I'm constantly wiping clear nose liquid with my hand because I don't know if I can risk any action that involves my nose for fear of another crime scene scenario. The whole class I'm sucking back this mystery sinus liquid with that lovely "getting the last bit of the Slurpee" sound as I feel it slowly fall down my throat. Yummy. Eventually, I just couldn't take being That Guy anymore (guy who won't blow his fucking nose guy) and completely blew off the nose bleed. I very easily blew out and cleared out my nose for the moment.

Then I looked at the tissue. Right side: clear, wet. Left side: a tad bit red. Uh oh.

It started immediately. I frantically stuck small, ripped off strips of my pocket tissues into my nose. I hoped it would only last about three or so 'plugs,' but I wasn't that lucky. I bled, heavily, for about twenty minutes in my 100+ person lecture. This isn't embarassing. So here I am, feeling like Carrie at prom, with no way to escape. I run out of strips on one piece of tissue, and have to go for a second, getting my desk, notes, and fingers coated in that pretty crimson. It finally stopped after just about was well aware at my attempt to keep this low key ("no one will see that I'm bleeding if I wrap the tissues up in a ball on my desk ! They can't see through a ball !). I then felt extremely light headed during my next lecture and was sure I'd pass out. Afterwards, before my third lecture of the day, I downed a Gatorade so as to not pass out from a pussy nose bleed.

I got back to my room and ate a sammich I picked up on the way home. Just after finishing the Pulled Chicken Sandwich on white bread, I went to blow my nose again, cause I don't fucking learn. Then there was the issue of replacing my bed sheets. I said goodbye to the old faithfuls, now ripped and bled on. It was time for the back-up Martha Stewart Living sheets that I've had for 7 years to get that call up from the bullpen. I went to wash the sheets downstairs and after the obligatory 30 minute wait, I went downstairs to throw them into the dryer.

Imagine my surprise when the washer was filled with suds. I have never screwed up the wash like that. Ever. I was a tad shocked at my blunder, until I looked down the row of washers and EVERY SINGLE ONE was overlfowing with bubbles. There is no credible reason I could think of that could explain this phenomenon, but, it is Boston University, where your money goes into a black hole. After another wash and a dry cycle, they came out fresh. I put them on and realized that there is no way they are the correct size, as they have as much sag as someone who had stomach stapling. "Oh well," I figured, "it's not a big deal." My nose started to run, so I blew my nose as I admired the new look of my sleeping center.

And then I remembered I should blow my nose.


Take a tissue, rip off a strip, roll, insert, repeat until you pass out....

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

stop using the blow, dumbass

-Scotty Don't... use cocaine.