After the Sasha situation, I was in a weird place at school. After the terrible way things went with Sasha (or, the terrible way I treated her) not many people were really willing to talk to me, let alone date. Sasha barely talked to me, and would shoot looks to any of her friends who talked to me. I some how managed to alienate about then people through only one. Oh, and Sasha's sister would come up to me daily either in the hallway or in the band room and call me an asshole/dick/jerk/piece of shit. It was a good few months, really.
In fact, my stretch of stagnant relations with females lasted almost a year. It was a very lonely year that included my crush on a girl named Sara. By crush, it could probably be better understood as "stalking," since it involved me looking at her during class and barely ever talking to her. Our torrid stare-affair ended on the last day of school our sophomore year when I ran up to her said something akin to "have a good summer" and handed her a letter I wrote. Yes, I was so terribly unconfident that I had to type up a note. She later said she wasn't interested, which I assumed, since she probably only saw me uncomfortably staring at her while the pronounciation of "Carribean" was debated in my US History class.
My junior year I started to be taken by a girl named Josie. She was a fresh-faced bubbly girl who came to our town freshman year. Usually people stand out physically, especially when you're new, but she stood out theologically; she was quite Christian. So Christian, in fact, that she and I would get into debates in Biology over evolution, then the bible, then organized religion as a whole. She would politely defend her idea of a God in her Blue's Clues sweatshirt (with the li'l dog ears coming up from the top of the hood) while I would rant and rave and start cursing because I didn't have many facts to back it up. Thank God, cause I'd be going to hell.
Josie was involved in the theater program, something I was told to join. At first I thought theater was gay because, well, a lot of theater people ARE gay (shocking fact, I know). Josie came in one day in a sweater with her shoulders exposed and was extremely comfortable with snuggling up to me, givng a full view down her shirt. This was pretty sweet, but she is put on the curve because she was very much into Jesus (I'll explain the curve in a later column), so this was incredibly awesome. When she asked me to fill one of the final roles in the First Annual (and only) Holiday Play "It's A Wonderful Life," I gladly excepted it. The highlights were I had about 5 lines, half of which occur while I'm drunk, and I get to punch the lead. Now that the embargo from Sasha on her friends was lifted, this was my to Josie. I had a pretty cool part, too.
And so started what could only be described as an excrutiatingly long and painful excursion to make a relationship with Josie. A day or so after I signed up for the play, she decided we should be snuggle buddies - all cuddle and nothing else - which is pretty much saying, "how about I give you blue balls every day and you be ok with that." After using my wily charm, I got to kiss her backstage. She then reminded me that she didn't want a boyfriend, after getting out of a long relationship a few mnoths before hand, and that kiss was a mistake. I thought this was just her playing hard to get. It lasted about 5 months.
Instead of kissing, we became good friends, which was just me biding my time until she was mine. Josie seemed to understand this, and played with me and my emotions oh so subtlely that it really bugged me, but kept driving me forward. She had to be mine. Once the spring musical came around, and therefore more time together, it seemed like it was going to be a victory soon. Strangely, this whole time, I would flirt harmlessly with Josie's friend Lizzie. One rehersal, after saying that Josie had no feelings for me, she suggested that Lizzie and I go backstage and make out. We did, and I still don't know why or how it happened, but I was told that it would be better if she didn't have her retainer in.
Strangely, this just bolstered Josie and I becoming an item (after Josie pulled Lizzie out of her science class the next day to scream at her for 15 minutes in a stairway). Soon we were...together, as she refused to be use "the terms boyfriend and girlfriend," even though we were clearly dating. Also, while she was very into kissing, she was not into touching. Of anything. Having your tongue move while your handles are idle is a very strange combination. We would constantly fight, keeping the original reason why we talked essential to our new, title-less relationship-like-thing. Then we would get back together, which meant more kissing, and thumb twiddling.
After some time, I learned that this was not going to work out. We would talk on the phone for an hour because she wanted to watch some movie on tv 'with' me, and the movie stunk. Another activity was going to her house and watching her sleep. It got to the point where she realized how nice it was to make (out?) up after a fight and would instigate them. The final straw came when this conversation happened over the phone:
Josie: hey miguel antonio
Me: hey josie
Josie: so what did you do today?
Me: oh nothing
Josie: what do you mean nothing? That's crap, Mike. You love me, I deserve to know what you did.
Me: ....uuuhhh, I played Madden?
Josie: was that so friggin hard? God!
The nice, sweet Josie was starting to take over, and that was about it. I forget how it ended, but I do know that it did. Oh, and you read that right: we said we loved each other. It's funny how you can mistake physical attraction or infatuation for love. Now that I'm actually in love, it's clear that we were in nothing of the sort. She enjoyed the idea of having no connection, no emotional link, and tried to distance herself by controlling the situation. When she realized that she was really starting to get attached, she started to dictate how things were going to go, repeating her mantra of "we're not dating" as if she could convince herself. Me? I hadn't touched a girl for a year, and I gladly took being bossed around for a while.
We both realized that we weren't right for each other. It's like God always said, if he were real. Actually, I have no idea what God says. All I know is that Adam and Eve were monkeys, and that's fucking that.