Tuesday, November 29, 2005

3 Random Rants

Does anyone really care what's in your away message? I didn't think so. Wow, you have a paper due this week? Me too! What a coincidince! I would never think that someone else in college is doing work, just like me! We can now relate on a level that goes beyond the mere "friendship" realm and into this new, deeper level about how we bitch about work that EVERYONE has to do. Also, if you're away, do you really need to prompt me to call your cell phone? Without it, my god, I would never think to go any further than iming until you came back, and never think about calling you on a mobile phone that you carry around anywhere. Thanks for the heads up.

The worst is the itinerary. Today I have this, this, and this, and then X and I are going to ____ before ( ). OMG so busy! I don't care, stupid. You're not there, I get it, that's what the message is for. Personally, I throw up lyrics or movie quotes or other things because you know I'm not there, so what's the point in me telling you I'm not? When I die I'll have someone put a post-it note on my coffin that says "Totally dead rite now, don't call the cell, it's dead, LIKE ME lololol kbye4eva."

I also think away message reading is cathartic, as I know there are about 5 or so screen names I keep on my buddy list not beecause I like the person, but because they make me so fucking angry. You'll check their info and their away messages just to scoff, ridicule, and smile before carrying on with the rest of your day. I know I'm not the only one, and if I am...you're all fucking liars.

Moving on...why are politicians like possible 2008 Presidential Nominee Hillary Clinton going after the video game industry? Let's ignore things like a ballooning defecit, a regretable war, welfare, mass hunger, and let's focus on selling violent video games to kids. What's next, you're going to make a bold fucking stance against rape? And the WORST part about all of this is that she has absolutely no idea what the hell she is talking about. Large chains have already instituted measures to keep games with a Mature (17 and up) rating from being bought by little kids - hell, they carded me once, and I am tall with gruff facial growth that could only be sported by a man's man's man.

Also, here's a fun fact: the average age of a video game player? 22 years old. That's a fact, jack. But does anyone know this? No, because we all conjure up the image of all of the little kiddies in front of their NESes being adorable and maleable by society. All of those kids grew up and they're STILL playing games, and are the lion's share of 'gamers!' My favorite is that they call Stubbs the Zombie, a game where you're (guess what?) a zombie, a cannibalism game.

Joe Lieberman, a former VP candidate, says, "It's just the worst kind of message to kids...they can be dangerous to your child's health." The worst message? Yes, kids, don't be a fictional horror character, it could be a bad influence! Who doesn't know what a fucking ZOMBIE is?!?! The things have been around since the 1950s, and that's probably a conservative estimation, and everyone knows that it's undead and eats brains. How ANYONE can think this is detrimental to a child is beyond me. What, is Li'l Jimmy gonna get thrown out of kindy-garten for trying to gnaw through Chris's head? If that's the case, then yes, but I assume that would only happen in an environment where they're already where bike helmets so they are protected.

Finally today, cell phones have become more and more 'tricked out' with weird shit that you don't really need. My cell phone has a keyboard for god's sake! Some phones can play songs downloaded from iTunes (why?), a 3.0 megapixel camera built in, and the ability to surf the web. But why hasn't anyone thought to fix the primary reason for having a phone: being able to talk on it? China is so advanced with their cell phone technology you can get signal anywhere. ANYWHERE. Have you ever heard of Tibet? Yeah, go there and make a call crystal clear, but go to suburban New Jersey and you're better off making one of those tin can phones.

I can't believe I can take a better picture with my phone than my actual camera, but can't make a call from my own room sometimes. This is a vast conspiracy, and it won't stop here. You just wait and see when there is the lukewarm refridgerator can download movies and no one will even care about their spoiled food. These phone people are geniuses! Maybe I can get a toaster that can't make toast, but can make a fucking phone call.

2 comments:

Erik. said...

Typical brilliance. And I will be the first to say that, no, you're not the only one who checks the away messages of people they loathe just to go "HA! YOU'RE DUMB!"

... If I could, I would have Manton's babies.

Cara said...

I only really CARE about the away messages of my close friends...but the rest...yeah, I guess I mainly laugh. My favorites are the ones who think they're funny but they're really just unnecessarily haughty. I used to do the itinerary thing and I have no idea why. I read them and I forget them a split second later. Bah.