Wednesday, September 21, 2005

The Writing Challenge

I think 3 people have now told me that they read my blog. Now, I feel rejuvinated, invigorated...slightly horny. I felt like I needed a challenge, cause I didn't have anything to really write about, so I asked Pam to give me a topic.

She chose Bumper Stickers.

Obviously she has a great mind for the obscure!

Bumper stickers are as useless as shirts with stupid writing on them. "Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to bury the bodies!" Oh man, that guy, that guy right there is CRAZY don't talk to him! "I'm not weird YOU are!" Of course not, pink-and-black stocking wearing, big clunky black shoes you trip over but looks "goth" and your hair that is unwashed becaues you're "rebeling." The new shirt? "I'm a jackass who you can easily label as an asshole, so just get away for your own good."

but on the back it says "How do you keep an idiot occupied? Read the front!" Ho ho!

Bumper stickers are only good when they offer the oppurtunity to see breasts like the genius Opie and Anthony WOW stickers. Usually they have terrible, clicheed things that don't make anyone laugh. In fact, they just make you want to ram your car into their rear, and when the whole mess is pulled over to the side, they will ask you some questions. "Why sir, did you slam into my car at 90 MPH?" At that point I would punch them in the face because whiplash alone does not let you get away with "You Can't Hug With Nuclear Arms."

As they lay on the ground confused, I'll point at their Dodge Minivan and spit on them. Even then, I will feel like justice has not been served.

People that aren't funny and attempt to be funny are some of the worst things in the world, like Osama bin Laden and cancer and the new Weezer CD. Nothing touches people who think they are HILARIOUS and can clear a room faster than Magic Johnson with a cut gushing blood.

These people get bumper stickers. They think they are hilarious. They think that everyone will enjoy reading their sticker, have a little giggle, and make everyone's day a little better.

There is a divider on the left side of you - please veer your wheel harshly into it. Thanks in advance.

ps having JESUS inside a Jesus fish is a bit redundant, isn't it? Wouldn't it be a Jesus Jesus fish? Silly christians, just wanna toss'em to the lions.


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